Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
Darling, your laughter on a cold day
reminds me of the medicine
my mother used to give me
when my fever was 102 and rising;
it's bitter and acrid
but it works on me anyway.

And you, you dazzling succubus, 
you beautiful disappointment,
there's no time for love
when you're in repose,
pushing up daisies
in the barren fields of Asphodel,
but that's no reason to not try.

You, dear, are a mystery that will never be solved,
a lock with no key, a point of no return.
I am in no state to be addicted to the idea of your love,
but you find your way into my daydreams,
and make them come true.

The past is fossilized in your amber eyes,
the way to your heart is surrounded
by a storm that will never pass.

And I will never be able to brave
the tempest within you, 

But in this moment,
pain has never felt more beautiful.
Taking a break from the '100 Most Beautiful Words in English' project cuz I like this title better. 

I couldn't think of anything new to write, and technically I still haven't. I had a ton of unused lines scribbled on pieces of paper, saved to the Notes on my iPod, and typed and saved onto my Sta.sh. Instead of thinking of something new to write, I took from all these different sources and squashed it into one long poem, since I was obviously never going to use it otherwise. For the most part, it was just copy/pasting, with the exception of a few tweaks to make it flow.

And I came out with this. I'm actually quite proud of it. More proud than I've ever been of a poem in a while. But tell me what you think, I feel this is a lot different from what I usually write. PLEASE CRITIQUE IF YOU CAN this is probably the last deviation I can request critiques on cuz my premium's running out.

Enjoy!:iconfeelingfreeplz:
Add a Comment:
 
:iconamarantheans:
Amarantheans Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2015
This is lovely! I love the variety of words and how just well wordy it is... hehehe :D (Big Grin) 
Reply
:iconstarlightt1234:
starlightt1234 Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
haha, it's like you have some sort of fetish for words. ;P
Reply
:iconamarantheans:
Amarantheans Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2015
I know they just spill out like those windy water bodies :D
Reply
:iconvirnagray:
virnagray Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Gorgeous poem, I love every bit of it!:)
Reply
:iconstarlightt1234:
starlightt1234 Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
thanks so much!:iconrubcheeksplz:
Reply
:iconvirnagray:
virnagray Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You are most welcome:)
Reply
:iconshep4life:
shep4life Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
The past is fossilized in your amber eyes,
the way to your heart is surrounded 
by a storm that will never pass.

And I will never be able to brave
the tempest within you, 

But in this moment, 
pain has never felt more beautiful.

Love these parts
Reply
:iconstarlightt1234:
starlightt1234 Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
thank you!:icongrin--plz:
Reply
:iconshep4life:
shep4life Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Welcome!
Reply
:iconbreebree135:
BreeBree135 Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Great writing!! :heart: :clap:
Reply
:iconstarlightt1234:
starlightt1234 Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
thanks so much! :meow:
Reply
:iconbreebree135:
BreeBree135 Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome!! ^^
Reply
:icontommyboywood:
tommyboywood Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I like the metaphorical aspects, though the meaning is a bit of a mystery. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing
Reply
:iconstarlightt1234:
starlightt1234 Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
thanks! :D

i understand if it's a bit cryptic, since this poem is a collage of some sorts, as i took a ton of ideas i had in the past and stuffed it into one poem. so it's confusing, really. :)
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:iconstarlightt1234: More from starlightt1234


Featured in Collections


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
November 2, 2014
Submitted with
Sta.sh Writer
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
445
Favourites
26 (who?)
Comments
14

License

Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
×